Friday, October 12, 2007

Nobel prize candidate?

Here is a novel nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize. One of our own guys from the 'hood - the Middle East : Bashar Assad.
Ami Isseroff

Nobel Prize for Peace for Assad

Washington DC, October 12, 2007/Reform Syria Blog - RPS Staff/ -- The Middle East awakened this morning to the news from Sweden that Al Gore was awarded the Nobel Prize for peace. Not too many people know about this guy here in Syria but judging from the prize some people may want to learn more about him.

Let us leave Gore for a moment and consider the reasons why the Nobel Committee has not awarded our own great president-for-life the Nobel Prize for peace. After all, he commands a presence not to be discounted. In our belief Assad should have been the candidate and here is why:

  1. He is taller: Assad is taller than Al Gore so he should have scored higher on the Nobel scale. Is it possible that Gore cheated by telling the Nobel committee he is taller than Assad?

  2. He is younger: Assad is younger than Gore. Some may say that youth works against you but in the case of our president, we do not believe he will live too long and therefore the Nobel committee should have awarded him the prize.

  3. He is richer: Too bad that Gore did not live in a country where presidents have access to the tilt like ours does. What's few stolen billions anyway?

  4. He is a doctor: Assad boasts of a degree in shortsightedness from none other than the great UK while Gore is a lawyer educated in Tennessee. This, we admit, may be a toss-up.

  5. He is a president: Indeed. While Assad got 99.62% of the votes and made it to the people's palace, Gore received 48.38% and never made it to the White House.

  6. He has important friends: Gore has friends in Tennessee but Assad has friends in Russia, Iran, Lebanon, and Gaza. When was the last time you heard one of Gore's bearded Muslim friends talk nuclear?

  7. He has power: Assad can manipulate all the bearded men while Gore cannot even manipulate the recount.

  8. He sends important gifts: During Christmas, Gore will send Christmas cards to all his friends but Assad will send real live cars to all the Lebanese politicians and the Iraqi civilians. Never mind that they blow-up, this is a minor detail.

  9. He is well armed: Gore may or may not use a hunting rifle in Tennessee but our own president has thousands of missiles. Now, this may not be too peaceful but then the Nobel Committee gave Arafat a prize.

  10. He commands order: When was the last time you heard of a president who can turn thousands of totally innocent Syrians into suicide bombers? This ability to command should have been taken into account by the Nobel committee.

  11. He is well protected: Gore's enemies are vocal and will do anything to defeat him but Assad's enemies give him one free pass after another. This ability to survive should have been taken into account.

  12. Finally, he is lucky: While Gore seems to run short on luck, our own president seems to be riding a long streak of luck; so hurry and give him the prize before he runs out.

Oh well, maybe TIME Magazine will name him Man of the Year for 2007 for having killed too many innocent people and got away, literally, with genocidal murders.

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